Am I Cool With You Guys?

As most of you know, over the past years where I've been present on DW, I sometimes had some, lets call them "breakdowns". And honestly, after looking back on them, I start feeling like an absolute jackass, that kept bothering and annoying you all, without giving anything in return. To this day my biggest contribution to the community is still that "React To The Profile Pic Above You" thread, which is a pretty sad legacy to have. Thankfully, I'm thinking of pursuing a career related to video-game development, so in the future I might gain the skills necessary to remedy that. But in the meantime, I just wanted to ask, do you think I truly was a big nuisance like I'm making it out to be and that's made me earn a certain "reputation", or I'm just overreacting and my previous incidents aren't really worth thinking about very much now? Am I cool with you guys and can call you my friends? Can I leave the past behind?

3 minutes ago, dasho said:

You really need to let go of caring that much about what people on the Internet think. This is something you've admitted to having struggles with before.

I think caring about the general opinion of this forum is more important to me than some random dumbass politician or pseudo-intellectual on the Internet.

Everyone have their ups and downs, and people need to let go and keep his mind on others things in future.

I had no beef with you, but you have my apretiaton for apologize.

I haven't been here long, and we don't speak much, but I've always seen you posting fun and positive stuff way more often than not and some like a pretty cool dude.

I know I'll come of as a rude b*tch, but who the heck are you? And who the heck am I to you for you to care about my opinion?

It's really easy to think that everyone else cares about the same things as you do, but the truth is... noone cares. You remember all your mistakes and probably (at least that's what I do) project it onto others that they also have the same recollection about all of them. But most of the time it just wasn't that important to them as it was for you. So... don't assume the worst. People forgive... and also forget. :D

(Also the "RTTPPAY" thread is a fun and positive way to spark interaction between strangers.)

58 minutes ago, DSC said:

...I just wanted to ask, do you think I truly was a big nuisance like I'm making it out to be and that's made me earn a certain "reputation", or I'm just overreacting and my previous incidents aren't really worth thinking about very much now? Am I cool with you guys and can call you my friends? Can I leave the past behind?

You just gotta stop caring about this stuff. Don't worry about being 'cool' - who cares? I don't.

Just do you. I encourage that you should look more into the game-development issue. Start w/ Doom mapping, seeing as that's what's likely most familiar to you. Then you'll begin 'developing' a reputation - if that really is your goal. Just do the best you can. Everyone here is more than willing to help w/ editing questions.

Stop holding yourself to others' standards - I know I've said this before, (I'm pretty sure) but people really don't care.

Nobody on Earth cares if you meet your own arbitrary definition of 'cool' or not - or if you have a 'reputation' - whatever that means in this context.

I don't think you've got a bad 'rep' right now. But I'll be 100% honest w/ you. If you continue creating threads like this, people are going to perceive you as a far more sensitive / uptight person than you might actually be. You don't want to be known as the 'guy' that posts this kind of stuff every time. At least I wouldn't want to be. I'd want to be known for my accomplishments, not all the BS that surrounds that.

Seriously, do whatever you want - I don't think you're a nuisance personally, but if you keep posting threads that are in this same vein, then people might start perceiving things that way. Just trying to look out.

Just live life, and have fun.

Don't worry about being 'cool' w/ us, worry about being content w/ yourself.  

:)

You're kind of being disingenuous to yourself by calling yourself a nuisance, and acting like you did something wrong. The fact that you felt the need to apologize tells me so much about your character. You seem to genuinely care about people's opinion of you and want to be on good terms on everyone you meet or interact with, perhaps to your detriment.

I realize now after typing this that I'm kind of a hypocrite. Similar to you I also struggle when it comes to worrying about people's opinions about me, almost obsessively so. Probably the side effect of having harm OCD and ASD( Autism Spectrum Disorder) . I'm trying to learn that the only person who's opinion really matters is myself. As long as I accept myself for who I am, then I am happy. Worrying what everyone I interact on the forum here thinks about me is exhausting and pointless.

There's no real need to apologize. Just give yourself a break. Oh, and you mustn't feel that you have to "contribute" anything to this community. I spend half my time here lurking or being too nervous or shy( anxiety sucks XD) to start my own threads, but the people I have interacted have shown me more kindness then a lot of people in real life have ever shown me.

No one here hates you, and honestly, you seem like a really nice person :)

To give you some perspective, this thread seems offbeat and altogether unnecessary, specifically because I don't associate you with any of these feelings you're struggling with. The people who come here to hang out, chat, comment on stuff, play/review some releases every now and then, or to simply "have a presence" will always be as vital to the community as anyone making maps, sprites, music, playthroughs, analyses, or whatever. It's pretty much what makes it a community to begin with. 

If you feel like your personality has some sort of "blemish", you can rest assured we all feel that way about ourselves from time to time. When it comes to social settings, sometimes you have to read the room and adjust accordingly if you want to fit in as seamlessly as possible. Other times, you have to be confident and let others learn to accept you for who you are. Both are easier said than done. But, if you're worried that people don't like you because you're too loud, and you start walking into crowds screaming "Am I too loud?!" at the top of your lungs, well... self-fulfilling prophecies and all that.   

Cool with me man! No problems here :)

I'll echo what most people are saying, and say that I think you should care more about yourself and try to resolve the problems that you have more than worry about anyone here thinking you're not cool, I somehow doubt most people care enough to look into your past breakdowns to really think that of you, I sure don't care, and don't want to look into them or anything else about you just to say if you're cool or not, I will personally let it slide and hope you find a way to not have a breakdown again, and just generally try to fix any problems you have with yourself.

Even if I do look into said past breakdowns, why should I care? I don't know you at all, I'm a nobody to you and you're a nobody to me. All I know about you are those breakdowns, so looking at it from just that side is pointless to me, I'd prefer to know you better to really give any sort of meaningful advice or help.

That's all really, I can't really do much of help so, I'll just say I hope you will get the help that you clearly need.

Heh, I tend to think on this too sometimes. Others have already brought this to light -- you don't have to compare yourself with other people or assign undue importance to what they think about you. Yes, issues crop up from time to time, and that is what makes us human ultimately. You've got two options here; Would you prefer to stay sad about it forever, or would you bounce back from this, assess where you went wrong and make sure said issue never resurfaces again? I'm not saying your post is wrong, it is absolutely fine by me.

The few interactions I've had with you tell me that you've been quite nice, and your activity in the "React to the Profile Pic above you" thread isn't a sad legacy -- You're breaking the ice with other members, I genuinely cannot see that as a bad thing and hey, it's not that you have to be making and submitting maps to be able to talk in the forum or anything of that sort. Be a nice person, that's the baseline, and be happy with yourself.

You are the author and protagonist of your life adventure ultimately, make sure you focus on yourself and weed out the bad elements. Stay strong and slay hard! :D

3 hours ago, DSC said:

But in the meantime, I just wanted to ask, do you think I truly was a big nuisance like I'm making it out to be and that's made me earn a certain "reputation", or I'm just overreacting and my previous incidents aren't really worth thinking about very much now?

You are overreacting.

3 hours ago, DSC said:

Am I cool with you guys and can call you my friends?

Sure.

3 hours ago, DSC said:

Can I leave the past behind?

You should.

3 hours ago, DSC said:

I think caring about the general opinion of this forum is more important to me than some random dumbass politician or pseudo-intellectual on the Internet.

This reply to @dasho tells me you haven't understood his and earlier feedback directed towards you. You seem to have a rather unhealthy fixation on what you think people percieve you as, and you seem to put a lot of self-worth under that premise.

You are your own self-worth.

Man I've got bad news for you if you think anyone who posts on Doom forums is "cool".

10 minutes ago, Decay said:

Man I've got bad news for you if you think anyone who posts on Doom forums is "cool".

I'm cool!

You're technically always cool with me though, because technically people on a forum can't be an actual nuisance.

But you're definitely "that attention" guy to me now. I forgot about the other threads, but this sealed it for me.

i'm just gonna start off firstly by saying yes, you are. i enjoy seeing your posts, and i'm likely not the only one who does. you supposedly not "contributing" anything doesn't really change that fact; you simply being in this space is, in my opinion, a net positive. tbh, the only time i even remember your "past incidents", as you call them, is when you bring them up.

setting that aside, however, i'm gonna concur with everyone else here and say that you seriously need to work on valuing yourself instead of letting paranoid thoughts of others hating you get to you like this. that's obviously easier said than done (and honestly pretty hypocritical for me to say lol), but constantly worrying about what others think of you is just gonna serve to make you absolutely miserable. you're cool cuz you're you man, not cuz of some reputation in a community. you don't need to be skillsaw in order to be a valued member of the community :p

if it helps at all, my meltdowns, bursts of anger, and terrible posts have, imo, always been a bit more noticeably bothersome than your behaviors, and yet there's still people here who seem to want me around somehow, so dw!

Yeah you are a very cool album.

Honestly I had forgotten until you brought it up again.

The most liberating thing of my life was realising just how little I matter and just how little people think of me (if at all).

It used to be I was desperate to mean something y'know, to matter, trying so hard to appeal to someone, to be invaluable...

After some reflection I figured out that striving to be adored is so sorely overrated, trust me when I say fuck it pal and be the man YOU need to be for YOU.

Nothing is coming to save you except yourself, so be your own hero.

Cool Party… Let’s kick some ice!

yeah man let it go. no clue who you even are but as long as you share the common interest in doom and don't act like a prick then all is well. don't cry over spilled milk!

I mean, where else on the forums would I be if it weren't for the Profile Pic thread?

I've never seen a single breakdown from you, but I can relate.

Simply put: Yes :)

5 hours ago, mrthejoshmon said:

how little I matter and just how little people think of me (if at all).

You matter, and I'd definitely notice if you suddenly stopped posting c:

I don't know you, but let's say yes. Unless you support Boca Juniors, then not cool.

Yes absolutely.

idk what happened but I'm sure it was just a big misunderstanding and I forgive you

I don't really think anyone here holds a grudge against you. You haven't really done anything out of the ordinary that would warrant someone to completely hate your guts. At its worst, maybe some people here don't like you & avoid you, and at its best, some here probably tolerate you and don't really think anything ill of you. Its just the way life goes, you won't always get along w/ everyone. I think you're ok in my book.

I do worry about you sometimes, @DSC and I think you should probably spend a little less time worrying about what other people think of you or fretting over the words of bitter, out-of-touch novelists and bald, overpaid podcasters. Instead, I think you need to spend more time discovering your inner-self; perhaps engaging in some other activities that don't involve staring at a screen all day. Read some books, develop some new hobbies or passions. Your idea of pursuing game development is an excellent start!

Regardless, I don't have a issue with you personally and don't consider you a nuisance. If anything, you have certainly provided some of the more interesting discussion threads in Everything Else in Ajora's absence hehe ;^P