Teo Slayer

This is a screenshot from Doom 2 Rebuild-T on your cover photo, right?)

Have you guys seen this absolute BOMB of a collector's edition? It's glorious.

Did you just started following me? Lol

It's Doom's 28th birthday wooo

.

*Checks her calendar and clock*

*It's now the 5th*

Yay I'm 38 now!

I'll be back to more consistent Dooming again in January. I need some time off to take care of some family stuff.

My save for Black Mesa is gone and I have no idea why it was deleted. Plus I was through a decent chunk of the game.

fuuuuuuuuck

Edit: So doing some reading, it seems that the devs modified the actual map data for the game. This would mean that previous save game data couldn't be compatible with the new version of BM.

I guess it makes sense, but I'm still annoyed. I guess I can just continue from the chapter I was on though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Plutonia Map32 + Brutal DOOM + The Only Thing They Fear Is You as background song = Perfection

So, after Reelvonic joined my Discord server, I learnt things about him

and they were no good.

https://www.deviantart.com/naarok0fkor/art/Ekka-lleryan-nebula-895839462

Just finished E1 of Doom on Black Metal (With Brutal Doom v21).

Boy, was it hard...

"Microsoft Windows 11 confirmed exclusive to 64-bit CPUs" deserves a Cacoward for Most Boring EE Thread.

Playing Doom2.wad in Brutaldoom is really refreshing....

And here's why I prefer Mods more than Vanilla

Look guys, she is happy :D

So what do you have to say about this?

So, after Reelvonic joined my Discord server, I learnt things about him

and they were no good.

What a nice guy.

i love touhou it's my favorite game and anime!

One year ago, something was born, something Master...

A tear of joy to my coolest creation. Happy birthday, Doom Master Wadazine.

Expect some news soon!

Progress report. We have first signs of a proper exit. The encounters play out rather nicely. Balancing and detailing still to do for the last arenas. On the plus side: it indeed is doable in 15 minutes. But the biggest things are missing still. Secrets! More secrets and the secret exit. I left some space to fit them. So long...

Guys what's going on with Reelvonic? I just saw omalefico's topic and I am worried if it's real

hey uhh 

what does this mean?

I just saw the new Smash character

My dream still didn't came true

It has been a hard, difficult and somewhat irritating few days for me. From personal issues to the idealized destruction of what I believed in many concepts. I guess I could categorize it as ''part growing up'', or maybe not. Starting with the fact that personal issues have completely turned my life upside down, my motivation and desire to do anything has dropped drastically. You could say that I'm going through a stage of dysphoria, where nothing makes me feel good. At the same time that I lose the desire to make the slightest effort, I also feel a terrible sense of failure if I do nothing. The curse of productivity. I need to do something constantly in order to feel validated by myself, otherwise I see myself as mediocre and useless. This is not helped by the fact that half of my family also thinks that of me. Even though I try to do multiple creative projects, none of them make me any money, so by simple antonomasia, my family labels me as a failure. I guess breaking your back being a slave to your work is better for them. I guess that's what they want from me. Their intentions aren't bad, of course, but it's their execution of it and the lack of support they give me that makes me feel... broken.

On the other hand, Doom has started to... annoying me. Maybe that's a strong word, maybe what I mean is that he's tired me out. I don't know, honestly. I remember that for a while, I was able to play it all day long, even playing multiple WADs per day without stopping. Now, if I'm lucky, I can play 5 maps in a row.

Part of this is due to the multitude of projects I've been handling these days, but honestly, it's also due to a lack of personal support and my own insecurities attacking myself. The Wadazine, as great and fantastic as it is, is a very tiring project, especially when I have to do 50% of the written content due to lack of submissions. Luckily, I can always count on a team that takes the work off my shoulders and continues despite the difficulties. A recent member just took over the Endless Random /Idgames WAD Adventures and that gave me some hope. When once I was more than capable of handling a multitude of projects, writing multiple articles, reviews and playing the game with constant joy, now even the slightest effort tires, bores and irritates me. Why? I wish I could point exactly to a specific cause to remove it, but I think it is the final conglomeration of multiple things.

To my recent burn-out I can also mention the huge storm of dramas and discussions that have drowned the community in this month. Probably the one that stands out the most is the BoA one, which ended up even affecting me. Personally, the political, sensitive, moral or ethical issues are not what really affect me, but it is the terrible aggressiveness, condescension and constant conflict between all sides of the community that has, well, disappointed me. Here and there, there seems to be only conflict. In part this is natural, as it is practically an unwritten law that wherever there is a community of people, there will be conflict, but even so I can't help but feel that they are mistreating something I once believed to be more pristine, free and cooperative. Is this proof of the burning passion of doomers to maintain a status quo and defend the integrity of a group, or is it proof of the deep divergence between multiple sides sharing the same hobby divided by ideological pressures? Perhaps it is both.

But not everything is black and dark in the picture. I recently learned to use UDB, and thanks to the excellent guidance of an incredible tutor, I have managed to create my first map for the second WMC02 community project. I can say that I felt a little satisfaction at the idea of finishing it, but like water between my fingers, the satisfaction has escaped. Now I'm trying to make another map for the RAMP project, but I have to push myself to do it because otherwise, my mind only thinks ''stop, stop, stop''.

Anyway. Maybe I give too much importance to emotions and I should concentrate on a more pragmatic aspect of my life, but even there there are mistakes. The future is approaching and it seems grey to me, like a distant thunderstorm about to throw a lightning bolt at me. Soon I will return to the university after a sabbatical year, to study law, the most exciting, moral, ethical and beautiful career you can practice in a third world country, full of freedom of expression, achievable dreams and equality for all. I dream of being a writer someday, but just like a lot of other drowned dreams around the world, I am geographically and socially paralyzed in order to fulfill them. Here dreams only serve to depress you.

Coming full circle, I think this is why it hurts so much that Doom doesn't feel like it used to. It was, to put it simply, a nice escape. Sure, there are still plenty of positive stuff and activity going on, but where I once smelled the scent of satisfaction and the freshness of newness, now I just smell the same, and sometimes a little shit here and there. Now, it seems to be part of everyday life. Something I don't enjoy, everyday life.

Welp. I'll just keep playing this game of life.